I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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