Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
