Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If I die, sorry about rent.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
