It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
