You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
