i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
