it wasn't lemon gatorade
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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