I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
