I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
