So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
