I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
