The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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