Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
