So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
