i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
