I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
