You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
two words...techno handjob
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
