This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
