His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
