I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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