I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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