Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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