I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Ladies don't puke and tell
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
