maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The best revenge is premature balding
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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