she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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