I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
