Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
