forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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