I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
