my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
