so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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