clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
