I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
