What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Randomize
