and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
