he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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