I wanna bring you to show and tell
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
