I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
