2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
