I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
