i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
