paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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