Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
