I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
