have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
