after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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