If that was your dad, he is hot
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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