My room smells like vodka and shame
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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