I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
