Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
