Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
