i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
