i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
