And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
