Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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