This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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